Today marks four weeks since we began my attempt to incorporate routine and structure into my children’s days. I originally began these exercises because after several months of quarantine and “free” time I noticed they were becoming bored, unruly, lazy, and quarrelsome. So, something had to give. And since they generally do well with organized activity, I figured what the hell—I don’t have anything to lose by trying.
At the two-week mark, I mentioned that the mindfulness matters part of this experiment hadn’t made much of a difference to moods, behaviors, or the productivity of our day, but that we would continue it for the full month. We did not. We made it one more week following my post and then we had an “incident.” Long story short, on the last day right after quiet time had begun, both kids came out of their rooms to use the bathroom. When they were finished, my daughter said “OK, mom, we’re going back into our rooms. You’re going to hear two doors close, mine first” (they were upstairs, I was down). Sure enough, I heard two doors slam shut. But something seemed off, so I checked our Nest cameras and, shock of shocks, saw both kids standing in my son’s room. LOL! Of course, I laughed to myself because that is so something I would have done—my daughter truly is my “mini me.” But I was also upset that she had knowingly lied.
I walked upstairs, opened my son’s door, and sternly pointed to her room. I could tell she felt bad as she walked away; she’s a good girl so I knew the lie wasn’t really misbehaving. I followed her and told her that I was very unhappy that she purposely lied to me, explaining—once again—that quiet time wasn’t meant to be a punishment, but rather a means for her and her brother to catch their breath and play alone for a little while. Then I told her they wouldn’t be allowed to watch TV before bed that night because they had lied.
After that I decided the mindfulness idea wasn’t working. My intention was to calm my children and give them some space, not to make their lives miserable. Instead, at the same time each day, I suggested they choose a quiet activity—coloring, painting, reading, whatever—and left it at that. I’m happy to say this is working out much better (for them at least; I lost my 30 minutes of absolute silence every day!).
Learning hour, though, continues to be a success! My daughter seems to find solace in schoolwork. She’s always ready to go, flying through her worksheets and writing and math. I have a feeling starting school next week will be a blessing for her. My son still grumbles about “working” occasionally, but he told me last week that he’s really starting to like “doing school.” I hope that sentiment endures because next Tuesday we begin homeschooling for “real.” Not sure he quite understands what that means, but he will. Oh, he will! The good thing is that I will be able to work one-on-one with my son because my daughter will be preoccupied with her school’s virtual synchronous learning. I think that will make a huge difference. Or is that just wishful thinking on my part?
All in all, I’m glad I gave this experiment a shot. At the very least, it gave us some semblance of a schedule and that has been critical to our mindsets these last few weeks. It’s ironic because lately I’ve noticed how much better my family does on the weekdays as opposed to weekends. Shocking! Before this whole pandemic hit, we had plans up the wazoo on weekends. We were never home, always out and about going to shows/events, amusement parks, zoos, restaurants, play cafes, birthday parties, you name it, we were there. It even became a family joke, that everyone had to check my schedule before extending an invite because we were never around. Those were the good old days, when we could just pick up on the weekends and go wherever the wind blew us.
Now, though, our weekends look a lot different and I’ve begun to dread them. During the week, we’re all on set schedules—and distracted. Exercise, work, school, writing, quiet time, play time, meals, chores, showers, etc. The days are so loaded with stuff that the hours fly by. And I feel so … productive. Weekends, though, UGH. Weekends are quiet and lonely and heavy, especially when the weather doesn’t cooperate. We make the best of it, of course, by cooking, baking, taking long drives, drinking wine, playing board games, family movie nights, jumping in the sprinkler, drinking wine. But it still doesn’t ease the restlessness. Will that ever go away?
Anyways, I’ve lost my way from the original intent of this post, which I suppose is par for the course at this point. I feel like I’ve lost my way from a lot of things. I know I’ll find my way back; it just takes time. And that’s one thing I have a lot of these days. Who knows, maybe this new school year will even bring some much-needed relief in the form of structure, discipline, and routine. We’ll find out soon enough.
Until then, friends, I wish all of you good luck heading into the unknown of school year 2020-2021. I imagine we’re gonna need it.