The other night my kids and I were sitting on the couch reading Highlights magazine. It’s our first issue and seeing it arrive in the mail made me all ooey and gooey inside, bringing me right back to my childhood. My brother and I used to love tackling the hidden pictures and were always on the lookout for the next recipe we could whip up. It’s such a wonderful book, Highlights, teaching kids all sorts of interesting tidbits, the importance of emotions, the value of nutrition, how to embrace our individuality (and that of others), and stories about children from all over the globe sharing their ideas for making the world a better place.
In this particular issue, we came across an article titled “How To Help Yourself Feel Better,” which assured children that it’s OK and natural to feel upset at times, but that they shouldn’t let those feelings overcome them. (It is not lost on me that many adults need reminding of this, too, especially parents!) The article then offered three ideas for how to calm yourself down when you’re feeling angry, scared, or sad: (1) take deep breaths and blow bubbles; (2) make fists with both hands, count to 10, and then slowly release your fists and relax your hands; and (3) picture your upset feelings as a big cloud that slowly dissipates as you count backward from 10. I love this piece because the idea and the meaning behind it are so timely (hello, 2020, you jerk) and yet so timeless (when don’t we need ways to help ourselves feel calmer and more relaxed?). My kids practiced all three that night and had fun doing so, and I’m pretty sure we’ll be putting these techniques to good use over the next few months.
But it was the next part of this “lesson” that I wanted to write about today because it deals with positivity, self-appreciation, and self-acceptance. A small section titled “Lots To Like!” asked children to list things they like or appreciate about themselves, and so I decided to turn this into a family exercise. We each took turns coming up with one thing we like about ourselves. My son said he loves how he has strong legs so that he can stomp around the house roaring like a T-Rex. HAHA! This kid and his dinosaurs … I swear he thinks about nothing else, and boy do I adore him for that! He is so innocent and sweet and such a breath of fresh air, I can’t. My daughter, though, she thought about it for a minute and then said, “What I love about myself is that I’m kind.” Oh, my girl. Talk about having stars in my eyes! Out of every quality she could have chosen, she chose kindness. That simple statement speaks volumes about who my daughter is and who she will become. She is just … my everything.
I’ve been thinking about this comment over the past few days. It sorta lodged itself in my brain and refuses to leave, probably because I talk a lot of smack about not knowing how to parent my daughter. She can be quite challenging, in many aspects of life. I’ve wanted to write it about it many times, but it never feels right, and I’ve come to realize the reasons are impossible to express in words. Because my daughter isn’t “naughty” or rude or obnoxious or misbehaved. She doesn’t talk back or say mean things or throw huge temper tantrums. No, the challenge with her is that she’s very emotionally mature and uber-sensitive, which, while not bad or negative qualities, they do prove difficult to handle as a parent. Especially when said parent is mentally, physically, and emotionally tapped out on a daily basis.
But putting all that aside, she is the most beautiful soul I’ve ever known. And I’m not just saying that because she’s my daughter (well, OK, maybe I am a little bit). When she talks about being kind … she is no joke, man. She has the biggest heart and is always, always kind and polite to everyone. It’s obvious in the way she cares for and mothers her younger brother (or any young child who crosses her path), in the way she “writes” books and stories about love and family or always paints rainbows and blue skies, in the way she cries during sad, emotional scenes in movies and TV shows where someone’s lonely or upset or hurt, and even in her emphatic declarations that she’s going to be a momma one day (which is clearly her vocation in this life). When I take the time to look past all her drama—and boy oh boy does this girl have drama, LOL!—I see only love and empathy and compassion and grace. And kindness, always kindness. She is truly an angel to behold. Sometimes I have no idea where she came from—I certainly can’t take any credit for her. But I thank God every day that he chose me to be her momma. She is and will always be my inspiration.
As a parent, I want my kids to be many things: humble, intelligent, moral, well-adjusted, brave, adaptable, self-confident, charitable, hard-working. But above all I want them to be kind. This world needs more kindness, more understanding, more love, and it all starts right here at home. And if my sweet girl’s appreciation of kindness is any indication, I’d like to think we’re well on our way toward making Earth a better place to live. One baby step at a time.