To Fail Doesn’t Make Me A Failure

In case you’re wondering, yesterday’s scavenger hunt was a bust. I’m laughing even as I write this because it’s par for the course around here. It’s not the first time I’ve tried to engage my children with a fun activity only for it to be shoved back in my face.

Two mornings in a row, I sat here at my laptop happily putting my hunt together, taking note of all sorts of goodies scattered around our home (upstairs and down). Then I made cute little boxes and added a baby emoticon next to each item to help the kids with their search. My husband even printed it in color to make it look more festive and fun! When we brought out the lists early on Sunday morning, hopes were high. My hopes anyways. My daughter seemed excited at first, but her enthusiasm waned shortly thereafter. To the point where instead of “hunting” she took to saying things like “Oh, I know where that is! That’s in the guest room upstairs!” from her perch downstairs at the kitchen table. LOL! My son gave up even sooner than that. I found his list and pencil on the floor of the living room (with only about five check marks, mind you) as he moved on to bigger and better things—like his dinosaurs. So much for a scavenger hunt!

It was a complete and total failure. (Be honest, friends, when I first mentioned this scavenger hunt, you all knew what was gonna happen. You all cringed and crossed your fingers that I wouldn’t do it, right? And now you wanna say “I told you so,” don’t you? Yeah, I know. It’s OK. I’m an idiot.)

Here I thought I was being a unique and clever momma. But as always, I’m left wondering: Why do I bother? No one appreciates my efforts. Well, my husband does, thank goodness. So, I guess that’s something. Are there any other parents out there who experience this? I get so annoyed with myself because I sit here and complain that my kids are becoming spoiled and that I, their parent, shouldn’t have to be their entertainment director day in and day out. And then I find myself putting together an indoor scavenger hunt (with pictures no less!!) or setting up a table full of sensory stations (rice, sand, play dough, water, dinosaur excavation eggs, paints and canvas, you name it) or making up a game of hide and seek using their sight words. All to immerse and stimulate them and erase some of the boredom I know they’re experiencing during this horrifying and, yes, debilitating quarantine. And for what? For nothing! There’s no gratitude around here!

Sand, rice, paintspasta, play doh

It’s enough to make me want to run from the house screaming and crying and never come back. I swear, I’ve been trying so hard to be upbeat and happy and seek out the silver lining. You’ve witnessed it, dear friends! You’ve read it right here. Granted, you’ve probably been thinking that I’m full of shit this whole time I’ve been “writing the good” but … oh, who the hell knows, maybe you’re right. Maybe I am full of shit. Maybe I should just give up on all this positivity business. It doesn’t seem like it’s doing anyone any good anyways.

But then what?

How are we supposed to survive (or, more importantly, thrive) during these challenging days if I give up? If I stop trying? If I stop hoping? If I stop searching for the silver lining? The hard truth is we won’t. As much as I hate to admit it, and as much as I don’t want to be, I am the adult here. It’s my responsibility to shield my children from what’s happening out there. It’s my job to help them cope with circumstances they can’t possibly understand because even I have no idea what the hell’s going on in our world. It’s up to me to keep them safe at home. And to provide them with opportunities to use their imaginations, to learn, to appreciate and even embrace the boredom.

I think that might be my lesson here. I can either put my money where my mouth is and take my own advice to keep on truckin’, or I can shut down. There is no in-between. When I look at it from that angle, I have only one choice. I’ve never considered myself a failure when it comes to doing the right—and the best—thing, or when it comes to being the bigger person. And I have no intention of changing that today. Because even if my kids don’t show it now (they are still young after all) I know one day they will remember and appreciate my efforts. And that’s good enough for me.

So, if you’ll excuse me, it’s time to start planning our next indoor adventure … stay tuned!

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