To Be A Rainbow

Today I felt like crying.

I suppose it was only a matter of time before that feeling set in. What triggered it, you ask? I had just texted my parents, brother, and sister about setting up a teleconference call for later tonight so that we could “spend time together” during this “social distancing” initiative. For some reason that made me so sad. Being inside this cocoon the past several days makes it a little easier to forget what’s going on in the world—mostly because I gave Facebook up for Lent and I’m trying really hard not to read the news because the media incite my panic and anxiety. But then I will remember—if only for a moment—and the anxiety and worry creep back into my mind and I’m forced to talk myself back down to a place of positivity.

It doesn’t help that my son started showing signs of a cold—yesterday was the perfect turnaround time for him to pick up germs from school before it closed on Friday. It was bound to happen. If anyone were to pick up a cold, it would be him. Because he’s the one who has the breathing/asthmatic issues. He’s the one who puts my stomach into knots at the mere hint of a cough thanks to his croup (which I know I’ve mentioned many, many times on this blog, but I can’t help myself). Right now, I’m just hoping and praying like hell that it stays a simple cold and doesn’t move to his chest. I’d really rather not have to bring him to the doctor or give him steroids to weaken his immune system further. 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

And so, I let the tears fall today. I’m a strong woman but even the mighty falter sometimes. Clearly, I needed a healthy cathartic cry in the morning silence to wash away my fears, my anxieties, my sadness. Man, it felt so good! Then my daughter came downstairs talking about rainbows (she’s obsessed with them—no idea why or when this happened but there you have it) and my moment of self-pity vanished without a trace. I guess it reminded me that my kids are relying on ME to get us through this crazy, gut-wrenching, unprecedented time in our lives, and I can’t afford to let my mind slip into the black. That’s the only way we’re going to weather this storm.

I see that so clearly, even when I allow myself to wallow. I sat here and let the rains fall, and then my daughter appeared, shimmering in all her bright colors and hues. It shook me out of my melancholic reverie and put a smile on my face. For today is a new day, the sun is shining, and just because there’s a raging storm outside doesn’t mean we have to let the rains seep into our warm, safe, happy home. My kids need and deserve all the happiness in the world and right now I’m the only one who can give it to them.

So today I will be their rainbow.

My daughter painted this beautiful picture yesterday in honor of St. Patrick’s Day, and I’m proud and honored to share it here. I hope it brightens someone’s day. 🌈