I originally intended this to be a personal essay, but it just wasn’t … flowing. So, I rewrote it into a poem:
I hear you racing to my left, swift and strong
My quiet, charitable companion
Blue-gray waves lapping the concrete bank
Encroaching upon the towering Goldman
I’m running, away, toward, in between
No one’s there, not a single soul
And yet … everyone surrounds me
Walking, talking, laughing … mocking
Fresh salt air fills my lungs
Burns my shrouded eyes
Tears breach, hesitate, begin to fall
Pain masquerading as healer
I stop, sink upon your bank
For the millionth time … who have I become?
Unrecognizable in my grief, my frailty
A shattered shell has replaced me
Opportunities won … and lost
Lovers won … and lost
My crippled heart seeks answers
Answers carelessly cast away upon your currents
Should I stay, or should I go?
Could this last chance be my redemption?
Is he the one I’ve been waiting for?
Or will he be the end of me?
I close my eyes, let go my breath
Your steady undulations calm me
Carry me away on a tide of clarity …
… sometimes loneliness is the answer
The immensity of you reminds me
I may be small, but I am strong
This world is vast, the possibilities endless
With faith and hope, I will endure
Absolution breaks and washes over me
Beseeching me to stand, to start anew
She’s still in there, that girl I used to know
But the first step is always the hardest
Seven years you sheltered me
Seven years you soothed me
Seven years you salvaged me
Seven years you swallowed my solitude
Because of you, I found me again …