I’ve never been much of a poet but sometimes the urge will hit me, and I’m compelled to act—or in this case write. I don’t remember exactly when I first drafted this poem, but it was somewhere in the vicinity of 2010-2011, on an insanely rugged day in an insanely rugged frame of mind. I’ve revisited it many times over the years, retooling it here or there, but then I always tuck it away and forget about it for a while.
This time around felt a little different, though. I suppose it speaks to my current mental state, which rivals that of where I was a decade ago, not long before I met the man who would later become my husband. He saved me back then and gave me something to believe in, to trust in, again. There are so few people with whom we can let our guard down and be our truest selves, and even fewer in whom we can place our unwavering trust. Sadly, I’m still learning that today. But no matter what at least I know there’s one person who will always—always—have my back. And my love.
So, I’ll dedicate this one to him.
Sidekick
Trust is an invisible sidekick
Quietly invading our minds, like cancer to a cell
It lurks among the weeds of worry
Readying to pounce upon its unsuspecting prey
Trust tinkers with our meddlesome musings
As a puppeteer plucks a marionette’s strings
It ignites our warped and blurry views
Lashing out like a whip striking to maim
Trust pitches us into the deepest of hells
And lacerates our burdened, bleeding hearts
It launches us on desire’s most selfish journey
Leaving a wake of wreckage in its path
Trust draws down the shades of hopelessness
Swaying us to wither and crawl into ourselves
It seeks solace from the voices entombed within
Snuffing out happiness, reason, and truth
Trust confines us within its welded walls
Coercing us into the blissful solitude of escape
It erases us from pain, from fear, from scorn
From shame, from guilt, from blame …
… but from hope and love as well
Once shattered, all could be lost
For forgiveness comes at too high a cost
And in its place, a fractured and vacant shell
Scraped bare and raw, marooned upon the sand
Yet so too is trust our balletic beginning
For that rare, sweet true love will we find
And the cascading tears of awareness and acceptance
Will wash away those tainted, tragic thoughts
Upon the wings of time, hope shall soar again
For as surely as the leaves will flutter and fall
With our long-lost companion we reunite
And prove beyond a doubt, that love truly conquers all