Remember the ad campaign for Calgon bath products back in the 1970s and 1980s? “Calgon, take me away!” My mom used to bellow this phrase all the time when I was a kid and it always made me laugh. Maybe a luscious bubble bath was enough to ease mommas’ pains and frustrations back then (though somehow, I doubt it), but it’s gonna take a whole lot more than some sweet-smelling soap and warm, sudsy water to wash away today’s trials and tribulations. These days a bath doesn’t even make the radar for self-care, a topic that’s become a piping hot-button issue for many parents, especially mommas—and rightly so. We’re all on the hunt for the next Calgon to whisk us away and bring sweet relief. Or is that just me?
If I’ve learned anything from this pandemic, it’s that we can’t (or shouldn’t) continue slogging along at the pace at which we were before all this coronavirus nonsense began. And that we must find ways of caring for our bodies and especially our minds. Yet, ironically, instead of slowing down, we’re somehow sprinting even faster, trying to cram everything into our burgeoning schedules while hurtling toward a moving target. Only now we’re doing it all within the confines of our homes, with limited sleep (how did we think we were tired before?!), far less help (some even have no help), and essentially no remaining mental capacity to see it all through.
Instead of shipping our kids off to school/day care/their grandparents, breathing a huge sigh of relief, and skipping on our way to the office (I refuse to believe I’m the only one skipping), we parents are now forced to put in a solid day’s work on top of household maintenance, a disruptive mix of in-person and virtual schooling, and all aspects of child-rearing. For the love. How much more can parents take on these days, and nights for that matter? It is not lost on me that at a time when we need self-care the most, our days are being swallowed up by ever-increasing to-do lists that leave little space for anything else.
Since I became a momma almost seven years ago, I’ve been of two minds regarding self-care: On the one hand, I know it’s critical to both my mental well-being and my ability to parent (I discovered that one the hard way), but on the other I have a hard time moving past the guilt that creeps up whenever I choose my own needs over my kids’. I suppose I should thank the coronavirus, though, because it knocked that thinking right outta the park. I no longer have the luxury of guilt because over these long grueling months I’ve repeatedly found myself unraveling without some form, any form, of self-care, and that does not make for a happy, contented momma—something my children need now more than ever. Which is why I’ve shrugged off the guilt and begun embracing my own personal care from all directions. I’m not sure each outlet on its own could be considered my “Calgon,” but together they’re doing a pretty damn good job.
I wrote recently about how comforting I find just keeping a day planner to organize my schedule, my family’s schedule, my professional and personal development, my thoughts and emotions, and my short- and long-term goals. It may not fit the typical definition of “self-care” but when you’re living in a world that’s spiraling out of control (or at least feels like it), being able to manage even a small piece of your day, week, month can make all the difference. It has been such a lifeline for me, this tangible piece of heaven, and one I’m grateful for every morning when I sit at my dining room table to plan out my day.
And, of course, you all know how therapeutic reading, writing, baking, and music (Josh!) are for me—I’m already counting down to Josh’s first (of three) livestream concert coming up on Oct. 3 and the release of his new album in November. It’s going to be so amazing, having something of his to look forward to each month for the remainder of this year!! As much as I would love to see Josh live, I will take what I can get for now. My husband and I are already preparing the menu for our virtual “date night” (yes, dammit, the kids will be here but that’s what iPads and snack-related bribery are for!!). You can look forward to (or dread, LOL) a post (or two or three) about all my upcoming Josh events over the next few months. 😊 These luxuries are just the tip of the iceberg, though.
I’ve also rediscovered my passion and motivation for exercise. I’m no stranger to running, cycling, working out, but things change once you have kids, and find yourself over the age of 40. Suddenly your back and joints ache with even the simplest of movements and you’re so fatigued from the daily grind that the last thing you wanna do first thing in the morning or late into the night is hop on a treadmill or bike. Until you’re stuck in the house with two kids during a pandemic and searching for quiet amongst the chaos, not to mention a way to kill even just one hour of your seemingly endless days.
That was me back in May. I had gotten to a point where the days felt so long and the distractions so few that I needed an escape and an outlet for my anxieties and frustrations—something physical and outside of writing. And since we were house-bound, I sought out the only option I had: our long-forgotten elliptical machine. One desperate morning out of the blue I told my kids to make their own breakfast and dashed upstairs to the safety of our guest room. I brushed off the cobwebs on the elliptical (LOL), put on some Game of Thrones, and worked out until I dropped, which didn’t take long back then because I was severely out of shape from my many days of quarantine gluttony.
Fast forward five-plus months, though, and I’m feeling great—physically at least. Now I can’t even seem to function without my daily workout; in fact, I crave it like you wouldn’t believe, more so for the “mental break” it provides than anything else. That hour of solitude brings such relief and peace to my mind, my spirit, my soul. And I’m tightening up my muscles, too, so win-win! I’m not saying the effects last long—not when you’re right back into your own personal twilight zone—but it is a much-needed release and I don’t plan on giving it up any time soon. At the very least it cancels out the extra calories I consume each day given my passionate love affair with baked goods (this week it’s banana cake with cream cheese frosting—oink, oink)!
Then there’s my latest self-care endeavor: painting. I discovered acrylics about four years ago when I was invited to one of those BYOB painting studios, and was immediately hooked, even going so far as to stock up on supplies and practice on my own at home (YouTube has amazing step-by-step tutorials). I got out of the “habit” in early 2019 after my embarrassing mental breakdown over where my life was heading but then out of nowhere last week, I had this sudden urge to put brush to canvas and now I’m right back in the game and loving it (I’m sharing two of my paintings here)! I lack know-how and finesse, for sure, and I have a terrible time with depth perception, but what this pastime does for me … the art of it sweeps everything from my brain until my surroundings fade away and it’s just me and the canvas. Even when my kids are painting with me, which happens almost every time because they love to paint as much as I do! It’s just so restorative and rejuvenating that it transports me into a whole new world of vivid colors and hues, and happiness! I think out of everything I’m doing to cope with life right now, this creative outlet is by far the most effective. You might even call it my Calgon! For as much as Josh, writing, exercising, baking, and reading bring me joy and peace, they do not erase the black. Painting does, and that is a true blessing these days.
I can’t say it’s been easy trying to make time for these passions of mine, but I’m determined not to let them slide by the wayside. My family’s happiness depends on my mental well-being and I want to be the best me for them. Besides, the way I see it, choosing me isn’t selfish, it’s selfless, and a perfect learning opportunity for my kids. I’m teaching them about the importance of health (mind and body), organization, creativity, positive coping mechanisms, and boundaries (theirs and mine). But it’s also about giving them the gifts of independence, responsibility, and trust to make their own decisions and handle their business when mommy and daddy aren’t available. That’s important to me because these lessons will serve them well when they’re older. And hopefully one day they’ll thank me for that. Hopefully! 😊
Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I hear Calgon calling.