Reflections On 2020

Hello, friends, and welcome 2021.

I know I’m a little late to the game but I’ve spent the past few days reflecting on my life, as we all do at the dawn of a new year, and what exactly I learned from 2020. Last year at this time I was posting a blog about a scary choking incident at my son’s fourth birthday party, going on and on about how my new year’s resolution was to have no resolution other than to (pardon the cliché) “live life to the fullest.” Well, 2020 certainly smashed that pipe dream into the dirt and then set it on fire. I think that’s the first lesson here: have no expectations. No matter our intentions, life never seems to turn out the way we expect. It’s full of twists and turns, uncharted paths and forked roads—masked in both light and dark. And we’re just along for the ride, making the best choices we can with the hands that we’re dealt. During times like these I’m always reminded of the saying “You want to make God laugh? Tell him your plans.”

There’s been a lot of chatter recently about new year’s resolutions and positivity and silver linings and believe me, I’m on board with all of that, too. But let’s face it … 2020 was a virtual (literally) sh** show and it taught me some hard lessons, which I’m sharing here today. If you’re looking for an all-out rainbows and unicorns post, you might wanna look elsewhere. If you want honest, real, and raw, well, then, I’m your girl. Here are a few things 2020 taught me:

–Anxiety is a tragic, relentless beast for which few people have compassion, understanding, or empathy—unless, of course, they shoulder the same burden.

–Hard times such as these bring out the absolute best and the flat-out worst in people, and the world. You really start to see who people are and it’s not always a pretty picture.

–Others’ opinions about me, my thoughts and feelings, and the decisions I make have no place or bearing in my life (I say this in the nicest way possible).

–My family is stronger and more durable than I could have imagined. During a time of severe disunity and isolation and loneliness, we remained stable, secure, and closer than ever.

–Isolation and loneliness are two vastly different things. I can deal with isolation, but the psychological damage that loneliness inflicts, that takes some kinda strength, man.

–Music is a critical lifeline for me. I honestly don’t know how I would have survived this past year without music. Day after day it was like an old friend reaching out to envelope me within its warm embrace. A friendship I never knew I needed and one I will never again take for granted.

–My children do not need all the hoopla and activities in which we normally partake. They are quite happy with the simpler things in life: playing on the jungle gym in the backyard, peaceful summer days lounging in the pool, building a snowman during the first snow fall, long family walks at the park or in our neighborhood, home-cooked meals around the dinner table, baking bread on a quiet Sunday afternoon, outdoor painting sessions, days spent coloring and playing board games, birthdays and family celebrations without all the fanfare.

–Parenting during a pandemic can break you. I’m no stranger to parenting without a village, managing a household, working from home, organizing and coordinating school and extra-curricular schedules, etc. But supercharge that with homeschooling, virtual schooling, limited to no physical contact with the outside world, boredom and monotony, heightened and magnified (and, yes, irrational) fears and anxieties—both mine and my children’s—and the result is … mind-blowing. We parents already know our needs always come last (we learn that lesson the hard way early on) but if this pandemic has taught us anything, it’s that self-care is essential to being a calm, patient, present, and happy parent. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

–My family spent a crap-ton of money (unnecessarily) before this pandemic hit. We never realized how much until we were forced to conserve, something I intend to continue even after this whole pandemic blows over. I have a whole new respect for conservation and preservation.

–I’m proud to say I have many positive and constructive coping mechanisms when I’m feeling stressed or anxious—writing, reading, baking, exercising, listening to music, painting, coloring—but all too often I turn toward my weaker vices, namely wine and sugar. Baked goods were my one happy place during 2020 and I’m having a really hard time giving that up in 2021. Maybe in 2022 …

–Teachers are a parent’s (and a child’s) best friend in the whole wide world. I’ve always appreciated our teachers, but I never realized how much I underestimated the time, effort, and insane amounts of patience they bring to the table when it comes to educating my children. I could not and would not want to do their job. They are rock stars and I have so much respect for them.

–There is no moving forward without hope and prayer. They are a powerhouse duo that can move mountains and save the world if we would only give them the chance. Prayer especially was a boon to my spirit in 2020. It started out of fear and desperation—this urgent need to talk to God—but has since become a saving grace that I cannot do without.

–Perception is everything. It doesn’t matter what obstacles life chucks in our path. What matters is how we view, assess, and tackle those obstacles in a way that clears our path and lightens the load we’re carrying. Whenever life gets me down, as it has a lot lately, I tend to wallow a bit but then I remind myself to count my blessings and it really does brighten my outlook.

–I am blessed beyond measure. My family is safe and healthy, we have a roof over our heads and food on our table, and we are stronger—individually and together—for having survived and persevered during such a challenging year.

–I am more obsessed with Josh Groban than even I realized, judging from the number of times I’ve written about him since this pandemic began. 🤣

Without a doubt, 2020 was a year of reflection, solitude, deceleration, growth, and change, for each of us personally and the world at large. I am definitely not the same person I was a year ago; I am far more self-aware and introspective (and anxious, unfortunately). Maybe we’re in for more of the same in 2021, I don’t know. What I do know is that I’m stepping into this new year lightly and quietly, with no expectations and no resolutions. Only hope.