Here’s To You, My “Sheltering Trees”

“Friendship is a sheltering tree.” – Samuel Taylor Coleridge

“A friend is someone who reaches for your hand but touches your heart.” – Kathleen Grove

I’m in a friendship state of mind today.

Last night I sat down and conversed with my oldest and dearest friend. We hadn’t spoken in months (we don’t live close by obviously) and it felt so good to catch up. I never realize how much I miss her until we finally find the time in our busy schedules to chat, which isn’t often. It’s no one’s fault really, it’s just the way things are these days. And I know we aren’t the only ones.

After we got off the phone, I started thinking about friendship—true friendship—and how important it is to my well-being. I’ve never been the type of person to have (or want) a never-ending supply of acquaintances. Gimme a few “real” best friends and I’m good. I can count on one hand the number of women in my life who hold this title—and I’m grateful to who they are every single day. These women know me down to the deepest, darkest depths of my soul. They’ve seen me at my best and, most importantly, at my absolute worst. They love me because of and despite my flaws. They are my soul-friends.

It’s interesting how certain people soar into your life as sort of an answer to a prayer or a wish. They just seem to appear in front of you at the exact moment you need them (or they need you)—to get over a failed love, to accomplish your dream, to cope with a lost loved one, to stand in for your family, to pull you back from the depths of despair, to make you laugh, cry, scream, break down, live. These friendships may not last but they for damn sure make an impact on your life and help shape you into who you are. I’ve lost many friends over the years, for one reason or another. Some might say they weren’t really my friends. I’ve said it myself in fact, but I know differently now. Looking back, I can see that each one contributed something meaningful to my life at that time and they will always hold a special place in my heart.

The rare “gems” are what I’m thankful for today, though. I’m talking about those friendships that never waver, no matter how much time, distance, and any other BS keeps us apart. These beautiful ladies didn’t come into my life for a specific purpose, like so many others. No, God led them to me for the long haul, to accompany me—physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, socially—on this amazing journey we call life.

I’ve known my two dearest friends for 23 and 14 years, respectively. One I met in high school and the other at work in the Big Apple. They are as different as two people could be (in the best of ways), but they have one important thing in common: they know what it means to be a true friend, in every sense of the word. And that doesn’t mean calling me every day or being involved in all aspects of my life or telling me what I wanna hear when I wanna hear it. Nope. These women are fiercely loyal and always have my back. These women call me out on my sh**. These women love my children as their own. They accept that I’m a selfish, sarcastic jerk sometimes and they let it slide. They cheer me on when I’m weak and they don’t judge me when I fall short. They are honest enough to tell me when I’m being too hard on myself, and ballsy enough to tell me when I’m not. And they know that just because we’re apart more often than we’re together, that doesn’t mean our friendships matter any less.

We could go weeks, months without speaking. Most times our relationships exist solely on text because we’re too busy or exhausted to call on the phone, and there just aren’t enough hours in the day to fit everything in. We miss each other’s special events because we live far apart, we work or run our own businesses, and we have husbands and children who must take priority. Not to mention all the other crap that sucks up our attention day after day: school, extracurricular activities (ours and our kids’), laundry, mealtimes, illness, relatives and family events, colleagues and work-related nonsense, the list is endless. We get so caught up in other commitments and responsibilities that we often (unconsciously) “forget” to stop and take a breath, let alone reach out to someone we know is always going to be there.

It’s so easy to take our closest friends for granted. But in my mind, that’s exactly why these ladies are my best friends. Because they get it. And they understand and appreciate that even when we’re not “in it,” it’s never personal. Deep down, we all know, without a shadow of a doubt, that we can put our friendships on the back burner and walk away confident and safe in the knowledge that when we return, they will be as full, as fresh, and as pure as when we first left them. And that’s the beauty of true friendship.

These friendships don’t come into our lives very often, especially once you get older. You wouldn’t think so but it’s way more challenging to make—and keep—friends nowadays. I guess because our world today is chock-full of petty, self-absorbed, judgmental, entitled, power- and money-hungry individuals who wouldn’t know a real friend if it punched them in the face. I consider myself lucky, though, because I’m happy and humbled to say that I’ve made some wonderful new friends recently with whom I’m ready to travel this next leg of my journey. And I’m confident when I say that I know these are the start of some beautiful friendships.

But I never would have known what that meant without the two women to whom I owe so much. They each, in their own way, have taught me the true meaning of friendship. They are my heart and my soul and the best friends a girl could ever ask for. I only hope they can say the same of me. Because when it comes right down to it, I wouldn’t trade what we have for the world. And I will fight with them and for them any day of the year for the rest of my life.

Until we meet again, my dearest friends…