A Daughter’s Lesson

I’m learning a valuable lesson, thanks to my daughter.

We all know it isn’t easy being a parent. We spend our days worrying over every small detail, second-guessing every decision we make, and hoping we don’t screw them up. One of the hardest things for me, especially lately, has been trying to boost my daughter’s confidence and encourage her to be proud of who she is. I could fill a novel with the number of things I was clueless about before I had kids. So, I was completely unprepared when my daughter started becoming self-conscious about the way she looks—at the age of 4! How did this happen? Why did this happen? And how am I going to teach her to love herself when I struggle with my own personal inadequacies?

I wasn’t the prettiest of girls when I was younger. Up until I entered junior year in high school, I was overweight, wore glasses (with super thick lenses), and had an acne problem. Not exactly a winning combination for a teenager trying to fit in. I had no self-esteem or self-love, and sometimes I still don’t. I constantly view myself through this critical lens. I’m not thin or toned enough. I’m not pretty enough. My hair is too frizzy. My skin is too dry and flaky. I’m not smart enough. It’s exhausting. And having kids just exacerbated the issue because growing a human (or two) took a heavy and drastic toll on my body. My youngest is almost 3 and I’ve still got new issues popping up like the weeds that litter my yard just to torture my husband!

I try so hard to be a role model for my kids, but this is an area in which I continue to struggle. Not long ago, my daughter turned to me and said “Mommy, does this [outfit] make me look pretty?”

Bam.

My heart dropped into my stomach because this child is insanely beautiful—inside and out—and yet she doesn’t see it. How do I make her see it? That’s my job as her mom. To teach her that looks don’t matter in a society where they are one of the only things that seem to matter. This burden (for lack of a better word) weighs heavily on my mind.

But when I stop and think about it, this burden is also a beautiful gift. Because looking at my daughter is like looking in a mirror. She is me and I am she. I created this sweet, spicy, funny, smart, angelic child. (OK, fine, I will begrudgingly give my husband half the credit, too.) So how can I look at her and see beauty without seeing it in myself? The simple answer is, I can’t. The best and only way I can teach my daughter to love herself is to embrace my own inner beauty and let it shine.

It’s not going to be easy and it certainly won’t happen overnight but starting today I’m going to take this life lesson and run with it. I want my precious girl to understand that true beauty comes from within and that life is much too short to worry about such trivial things. I know she will agonize over this someday because we all do, to some extent. But it won’t be because I didn’t try my darndest to show and tell her otherwise.

So, the next time she asks me if she looks pretty, or refuses to wear a T-shirt because she doesn’t want anyone to see the blond hairs on her arm, or won’t take her shoes off in public because she’s embarrassed of her feet, I’m going to kneel down, envelop her in my arms, and tell her she’s the most beautiful girl in the world. Not because of the way she looks, but because she has the purest, sweetest, most compassionate and generous soul of anyone I’ve ever known.

And that I’m honored to be her mommy.